sweet dreams

hey...
im back
i know im blogging like some thousand centuries later but im back
so actually...i was blogging yesterday
a very very very long post and it was about to be completed
but me being myself, closed it accidently in haste.
so i am re-posting whatever I can remember from yesterday.
lol!
anyways while i was absent from my blog, alot had happened.
Maybe i was too caught up with all those stuff that i didnt blog
exams was one of the reasons
i really need the marks for my science and maths.
screw science...seriously
bio is very dfficult for me...
but im not giving up!
I am going to try harder for FYEs
it seems as though it was just yesterday i was purchasing books for sec2.
and so fast three whole terms had flown past.
in this three terms i have learnt to appreciate my family, be more serious about my work, have a good target in life, acquired so much of new friend s and most importantly learnt to love my friends for how imperfectly perfect they are.
so "Do you have talent" competition was over on friday.
2e5 didnt win anything but the bonds we have forged with other off-key members was great
love you off-key!
and we had wonderful supporters to make us feel as if we were the best
so it doesnt matter if you dont win anything as long as you know you have given your all.
we should really start a band...a teenage local band.
maybe Off-key should perform for teachers' day or something...if there is going to be a concert
that way, we can establish ourself in the school level
but I screwed up.
screwed up the whole group's efforts.
i was so nervous...suddenly
and i am a hundred times sure i heard my voice shiver when i had to hold on to long notes.
balls to myself
this has never hapened before.
I have been performing a million times since the age of 7.
why suddenly?
no idea.
but this is not the end baby!
'cos im going to try harder and sing better.
the next time i get on stage to sing im going to make you guys say "WOW"
hahah
no you are not bringing me down.
neither is the way you sneer everytime i sing.
your fake smile plastered onto your face gives it all away.
its not my fault the class doesn't know of your "talents"
nor is it mine that you never took a chance to display your talents properly other than trying to seek attention when others are practicing.
whatever lah!
anyways, went to bugis after national day celebrations on friday.
it was freaking fun.
the BFFs!
we were sitting in the opposite side of the bus stop without realising we were on the wrong side for practically 20minutes.
until nisha pointed it out.
and then we dashed across.
lol
apparently nisha has never dashed across the road before.
no worries.
we had successfully managed to teach her on of the thrills in life-dashing across the road when there is heavy traffic.
hahahah
and then we ate cheap food...
ohk macs isnt exactly cheap.
and then we walked past a transvestite.
we stared so hardly that she turned to stare at us too...
OMG!
and then we went to bugis junction.
planned to watch a movie...but the movies now arent really that watchable.
is up nice?
Nisha thought it was lame so nobody watched it.
and then went shopping.
finally got so tired that we decided to sit down on of the stairs in bugis junction and slacked.
camwhored there.
lol!
so kavya can make people die by her stupidity.
i mean wth?????
so and then went back home...
it was super fun.
just that it would have been more fun if we werent that tired.
all the food...lol
anyways HAPPY NAIONAL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ohk lol
lets all watch the ndp today.
btw im getting a piercing soon..probably this week!
yay!
:D
loving everyone
bavithra

"lost in a fairytale
can you hold my hand and be my guide?

missing you...

hey...
ohk im missing nisha like shit
sad....
nvm...she is going to be back...
have a safe journey nisha
she said she will email me...i reckon she hasn't got hold of a computer
or maybe she is too sad about her grandma...don't be sad nisha
ohk...yah...
em i really should not be doing this...as in blogging
i have a test coming up...and its what 40%?
balls
ohk...so i have gotta go and study for it...
its maths!!!!!
why maths?
why can't it be science?
oh...that isn't any better either...
i don' understand what the teacher is talking about...most of it i do..
but i don't see the link...
how shall i put it? well let's just say i don't see how it relates to me and my life
i have managed to scrap through first week of school
but im feeling very tired...
tired of people who just want to make life terrible for others
people who can't have any good intentions in their mind
people who always have fake smiles even though you are true to them
i mean come on....friendship is really simple
you click with someone and you become friends.
if you don't like a person you don't talk to them...that is all
there is no need for retribution revenge and insults...
it is really this simple...like in primary school
you don't pull away people you like because they are closer to people you don't like
if they like you they will be closer to you...
friendship is about being there for your friends when you need them and experiencing ups and downs together...
we had practically a week with them without you...
it wont take us much time to tell them what shits you have done
but we didnt...we like them for who they are and we won't do the cheap stuff that you do...
like pulling them towards us and all
and i promise they wont talk to you anymore...
but that's not what you do...
you like someone for who they are...
we like them but we dont go around gossiping about you....
but look at you...just what do you?
tell them bad stuf so that they won't talk to us...
but according to them we haven't done anything bad to them so they talk us when you are not there....
they talk to you only probably because they don't want to hurt you...
anyways...everyone has brains and the bad person never wins...
they are nice people...
they won't stand you for long
you should think why some friends just last...
because their friendship is very simple...
but its true...
they are there for each other and that is all that matters....
learn from them...
maybe you should just stop and think how many people hate you
and what pathetic things you do to make yourself seem competible...
hahah
you should really laugh at yourself
ohk...em my baby cousin came over
he is sleeping now...he looks like an angel
ohk...gotta study
bye...
love nisha stacy...
kavya are you having some minimal contact with me or anything?
bobo

around the corner i have a friend
in this great city that has no end.

tote or sling bag?

hey!
i know im blogging after like some one week later...
hahah...didn't feel like blogging when i didnt have enough things to say...
i never do...hahah
btw these national day people are so retarded...
there we have people who are studying so hard and doing all sorts of researches to get the Phd...
but our own national day baggers (bag people)...they did a research on which type of bag was the most popular...hahahah a big L to them
a fun bag it seems...hahah
btw stacy called me up to ask about homework
what was she thinking???
no one in their right minds will do such a thing..but she did
but still thanks lah...'cos i dint know there was english homework...hahah
have not done alot of homework yet...
i am relying on the swine flu holiday...if we have...
it will be much of a help...hahhah
btw kavya im freaking pissed with you for chosing that blogskin
seriously man!
ohk womnan!
his face is all glossy and shiny...isnt there even one where he is with his normal face?
i mean robert pattinson is hot by himself....like a walking flame with human features
nvm its your blog
and yah...i went out with my baby cousin today!
i love him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and did shopping with him...hahhahahah
my mum entrusted him with a bracelet in a box worth 40 bucks!
so that he will not cry...and guess what he did?
put in his mouth....!!!!!!!
wth!
what in the world was he thinking??????
and he saliva dripping down from the box/mouth...
it was vair vair amusant
hahhah
and yah...
oh, i realised something too...
you cant go to restaurants with babies...
trust me...you cant
be it a higher end hotel or just some hawker centre near your house...just DONT
i mean suddenly there are babies everywhere...and they all behave the same...
they want it and that is it...
it is tres tres marde
anyways...my brother is being serious about his psle...ish
finally 'cos its time he did
but he doesnt have to worry...
i mean he is like some national athlete and has schools offering him seats...just like that
but look at me?
i slogged(not) all year long to score something good(not) and i end up in a good school(not)
hahahah
ohk TKGS is not that bad...i like it
btw to kavya: hey you cant escape 'cos im still waiting for your reply to the last sms that i sent you...hahahah we'll see if you can reply
lol..so yah
set my badminton inferno flaming today...hey im not that bad at it after all...
try me if you can...!
does that sound sick?
i guess not...
yup...so im like freaking bored...
hoping that my friend also namely nisha baskar would call me up and finally disclose that whatever stuff she almost said out the last time...
to nisha B.: tell me lah...vair vair curious...
i have totally no pridenosity
is there some sort of saying that goes all like'curiousity killed the cat'
and did i spell curiousity wrongly?
well you know what?
i don't care
'cos neither am i a cat..nor am i curious...yes im not
you don't have to tell me if you don't want to
nisha not telling me her secret is not going to spoil my mood...'cos i am on my way to lala land
i just got my ticket to the luuurve planet!
yeah baby!
im not sad over what happened the last time...
maybe you werent even worth being sad about...
but whatever it is...i LOVE everybody and i am HAPPY about that!!!!!!
bobo.

keep it cool
what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but its alright
im alright
just dance

to forget or regret?

hey!
hahah...went to baby cousin's house...was his birthday on wednesday
hahah...and then stayed over.
he is adorable...another person in the world to show love.
i just realised that the longer we live we have more people to show love on...that is cool right?
ohk so em...nothing else interesting lah!
i am missing alot of people right now...all 'cos of school holidays.
em...yah hahah
im sick and tired of haha-ing when i don't feel like it...
maybe its time i try to put myself first instead of trying to make the people i know happy...
it never pays off...
'cos in the end all they are going to is just forget your existence...
or hurt you so much that you feel sick and tired of being nice to others...
i hate you...very much...
go away...you have disappointed me and that is the last straw...
do you even care that there was someone who felt hurt by your actions?
of course you don't 'cos for all you care you will come across another million girls...
why did i even had to see you in the first place?
i will have been way better off without getting to know you in the first place...
again im sick of all these...
just when i was about to feel good about your company, you do such a thing...
i can only blame myself...its my fault...
i should not have had high expectations about this...
tres tres marde
go away...you are not in my life anymore...
don't want to look at you anymore...
bobo.

And now at last all the pictures have been burned
And all the past, is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
I won't forget us

grey cloth, grey skies and grey underwear

hey..
yah i wrote that title on my own will..
hey but that doesn't mean im wearing grey underwear..i doubt you will want to know..haha
anyways..em..have you heard of the vacum joke? well...IT SUCKS!
get the joke? vair vair amusant. you will if you are smart..hahah..if you are those patheticos who didn't ask me yeah?
well..yah..look i really don't know what to blog about..nothing is happening you know...well actually quite alot but they can't be publicised..haha
ohk..em STACY IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! welcome to the land of crap!
haha..yah..i went to the library yesterday :D..
i borrowed a book! yeah..but i went around the library in search of vampire novels..couldn't find any..
i would have been able to if my parents had bothered to bring me to the library more often than they brought me to other places when I was young..but i don't have to worry..
of course stacy will help me borrow a perfect novel with alot of "spice" inside...hahah know what i mean? yeah!
hahah..went little india to buy cloth for art..don't ask me why i went there..sandhya was the one who said i can get cheap cloth there...
haha..it was cheap..
ohk and then em..i gotta start on my homework you understand!?
im going to do all my homeworks properly and on time from term 3..i promise on nisha.. i have done that like 4 times..its a wonder nisha is still healthy..hahah..jkjk
i cross my fingers everytime i make that promise..that explains her still alive body (odour)..haha..jkjk
to nisha: look nisha..i am trying to blog..im not a novelist and i don't have things happening in my life..so i can only blog when there i enough to blog about...
i mean i can't have a post daily on my daily routine right?
ohk i just got an idea..a synopsis on my next post:
9.00am: wake up
9.30am: slack
9.45am: drink water
hahah..ohk ohk i'll stop..lol!
yah..ohk to kavya: hey..dude..seriously stop bothering me with facts that you love physics yet you love bio and alex tang being a mad rocket scientist..cos'...
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yah..look i have better things to think about and better people to think about. ohk?
yah..
ohk look i really have to go..and do homewrok!
im proud of myself..
hey..geog workbook must do exercise 6.what?
and research on mandarin bay and what?
someone please bother to answer my cries of plea..not!
bobo.

the ocean may be bigger than the sea
but the water is the same.

Holidays are here baby!!!!!!!!!

hey..

finally im updating..hahah

after like a whole week..back by popular demand i guess?

anyways..em..holidays have started..and im starting to get bored..

seriously i never do my homework..so its counted as I have nothing to do...

a piece of realisation: suddenly everyone has a blogshop..why???

is it because of the recession?

So all the lazy dudes who are slacking and rolling around in your parents money..GET YOUR ASS MOVING!!!!!!!!

share the load..yeah...

well..got back results...

i think i faired well..A2 for overall...

but not enough..gotta try harder..

im going to use up the holidays and work on my maths..

seriously...i have no idea what else to do...

i go for tuition, i do 1001 assessments..

but i just cant score...*frustrated*

as usual my father was not impressed...y? he wasn't even happy..

can't be bothered...

to dad: please lah! If you can't be atleast a bit happy with what I score, you must have done some genetic modification to me so that I end up going to some RGS..or better still..no need to do secondary course..go jc straight..ip -1..

so yah..facebook has been my only source of entertainment for the past 3 days..

oh! Class Chalet!!!!!

was bloody balls fun!!!!!!!

hahah...

took loads of pictures in the beach..and near the barbeque pit..

hahah..sang halo like what 3 times?

Nisha wore a mini skirt...hahha...to a chalet..lol!

to nisha: facebook isn't only for bad people...its very fun..
with all the quizzes..you will love it...

btw, my facebook profile picture is the three of us in the beach! :D

yup..so that is all...nothing interesting...

oh...i have realised that i have taken a liking towards taking pictures..

like alot of them..

especially really crazy ones...

hahah..

btw, i have no idea if i should tke guitar classes...

because right now, i need to put in all the time and effort i have to improve my maths...

make sure i get an A1 for final years...so spending time in guitar won't really be that productive..

but if i pursue it next year..i'll be too old to learn..

15 years old and just beginning guitar????

WHat do I DO?????????????

anyways i gotta go..

shopping!!!!!!!!!!! Im getting new shoes!

hahah..

im missing school very badly...
and i dreamt of stacy and me last night...in my primary school..
stacy was wearing my primary school uniform..
it was weird..but very realistic..
and i got reminded of sarmila...
miss her loads..
to all the people out there: don't lose contact with a friend..cos' if you do, then its difficult to get it back..
a friend gone with the win...just like that.
bye

bobo.



Don't walk behind me

for I can't lead

Don't walk infront me

for I can't follow

But walk beside me

for I'll be there to share your happiness and worries

as a friend.

A average

hey...
omg i feel so accomplished can?
i got an A average...AHHHHHHHHHHh..according to what i calculated...
ecstatic!!!!
thank you ms della 4 giving me A2 for art despite the fact that my work was an eye sore to you...haha
science was fun... i like ms ngo..too bad she is gg away...
and than maths was normal..mdm surayah talked for half an hour of the lesson...
lit was boring..i dun like lit...
BUT for the first time ever in this year...i took down notes..OMG!!!!!!!!
such an achievement..hahah...
Art was fun..for the first time ever art was fun...
but frankly speaking...group work is nothing but TROUBLE.
its just difficult for everyone to be pleased with something...
and if that happens the easiest way to solve the problem is to tell; out what you think frankly...
at least we will know what you are thinking right?
i agree i took up the leading job on my own accord..so that we won't lose out...
and that doesn't mean i will eat you up if you tell me if you are unhappy with something or if you don't wanna do something...
i am just going to get you to do something else that you are interested..
nvm...and then apparently some dudette has HINI in Singapore...
she better be well quarantined...
scarely she come near TKGS then we all die ah?
OMG!!!!!!!
btw em...i miss my CmPS file...
we never cared about it when we had it with us all the while...
and now after struggling for 2 terms to produce something good...it feels very insecure t just pass it up just like that...
as in i just miss my file alot.
and then DEP was fun...a very ridiculous script indeed..hahah
there is drama tomorrow and CIP...which one should i go for?????????
im in a dilemma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ohk...and then to stacy: Dude i hope you are not pissed with me for saying that you have no life...sorry lah...
i will bring fruitplus for you tomorrow...
hahh
and yah..that was all for today...
my life is monotonous...
but somewhat im feeling peaceful and satisfied...
to know that my life is going the right way..
as in my studies is good..im making my parents proud of me..
and most importantly i have the right friends around me...
as in it seems like this is what it was meant to be like...
as if all the fights and quarrels was meant to bring us to where we are now...
im so glad to have such friends..
and most importantly i have to treasure them when they are there..
just few more months away and we can't have the chat session before assembly...
whispering during lessons...
teasing teachers without them knowing...
just being there for each other...the feeling of knowing that you're friends are always there for you...
what is depressing is that it was not this good last year...but now when everything is perfect when everyone knows who is their true friend and most importantly when we are all bonded as a class we have to beprepared to be separated...
i love 2e5...
i think no one is as bonded as we are...
go 2e5..WE RAWK!!!!!!!!
bobo.

i am here to tell you everything i wanted to all this while,
but you are already walking away
somewhere far.

Peace

hey...
i should really kill myself
i mean i don't deserve a blog...no i don't.
i can't blog about interesting stuff because MCQ: a) my life is monotonous. b) i can't type interesting things. c) i just don't deserve a blog.
pls chose the most appropriate answer and shade the correct circle in the OAS answer sheet..
hahah...lame!
hahah..that reminds me of friday...
Amanda kept on saying 'lame shitz lah you' for everything that i was blabbering out of hunger..
school was ok on friday...got back science maths and english results..
not very impressive..
there was this girl who came to my class to remind me to clear the recycleables by tuesday..
i had just finished changing into drama clothes..
'can i see the environmentalist rep?' she asks the class..
i walk out in my drama tee and fbts and she goes like 'you?!'!!!!!!!
i mean don't i look like an environmentalist rep?
and no thank you i don't need your answer
stacy had cramps..she had to miss DEP because of that..her cramps i mean...
DEP was fun...as usual..
had lunch with seniors before drama started...
umairah was practically crying to go to videworld for lunch...
had dispute to make her understand that we cant go out and have a decent meal in that 5 minutes we had...
talk was about the new instructor coming in to take us..
went like 15 minutes late and so new instructor already started on with warm ups...
amanda disclosed that Mr Matt was getting fired!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
the new guy was terrible...
he did slow warm up for 1hr15min...
that session was the worst drama session i ever had in my life...
dude asked me to get out of lesson because i couldn't hold my breath for his amazingly long 8 counts...
one of the warm ups: 'shake your wrist and slowly your elbow and shoulders and shake your chests'!!!!!
WTH!!!!!!!!!OMG!!!!!!!!!!
Ms Izrina somehow found out that we were unhappy with him...
after he was gone she said 'teachers are not blind...don't worry Mr Matt is still on hold'
he better be..im quitting drama if this dude is going to take us...
had dinch(between lunch and dinner) in videoworld...
went hooga..maya christine and amanda's company is nice...
socialised with friends of maya amanda and christine...they were fun..
had to go TJC for drama night...
supposed to go with riny ainn and zahwah beacause we didn't know how to go TJC by bus
but they ran off without us..
depressing thoughts...
6.15: acted smart by going to bus stop to figure out where to alight from the bus..
15 minutes later aka 6.30: 'i just took a picture of the sunset while you were still figuring out how to go TJ', exclaims Amanda...
6.32: realised we will never reach there on time if we trusted SBS...
6.33: counted how much cash we had in all and decided to take a cab...
6.35: embarassed ourselves infront of seniors by flagging for a cab in the bus stop..
6.36: let 3 taxis pass because they didn't stop in the bus stop...
6.50:finally reached TJ like really early that no other TKGians were there..
there was a double decker which was the students' lounge...
amanda barged into it as if it was her ouse...
came down to report that it was fun...apparently...
and then people started coming in and we went for the show...
it was in a black box...like cheesboy
damn nice...2 plays....
my whole family came to fetch me back beacuse they were bored at home...
im proud of them..
yah...
and saturday was just slacking and tuition..
sat beside this sick girl and went home sneezing all the way...
btw, the weekends have been peaceful...
finally..something that i was unable to experience the whole of the school week..
but im still spreading the joy..
and the peace...
to refactor: im still waiting for you for the one opportunity to punch you.
saw the picture that was taken in Hirfana's birthday party...
the the five good friends...
it looked nice without me in it...
is that what you wanted?
for me to be insulted and hurt by your acts
and those who had been aquaintances to the act then should be feeling guilty now.
but whatever it is, you have achieved what you wanted for i did feel a pang inside me when i saw the picture.
depressed
bobo.


I know that the people around me are there for who I am
and not who I chose to be like

balls to the world...

hey..
the world is so screwed up...
everyone is so double sided...
all they can do is backstab..
to rachel: hey you seem to be coping on well with all the problems in school...you rawk!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahha..love you...bibi..ex-hubby..hahah
to refractor: you bloody bitch!!!!!!!!! i swear i have never come across such an asshole like you..
so cheap...hypocrite...not coming to school isnt going to help...because one fine day you will have to come and that will be your dooms day..i will make sure i punch you right in the nose where you bleed and die..i will make sure i come to school with the butcher's knife or something...
and to fatties: you bitch!!!!!!!!!! what a backsatbbing slut you are...i can't believe i actually trusted you once...
i mean i won't be bothered if all these people are random people...
but what hurts me the most is that i once trusted these people so much i was ready to stand up for them...
there is so much of injustice in the world..
everywhere..in every direction...
people ditching and backstabbing each other...
one side there are people ditching someone just because they feel like it..
another side people backstabbing and lying to hurt others...
its as if earth is like hell..
the meaning for hapiness has changed...
now all that matters to people is just material wealth..
they don't appreciate the people around them..
even in this ugly world there are people who are so beautiful...
its like finding gems in the rubbish bin..
and another side there is just people who act with a million and one face...
omg..i feel ashamed to call myself an inhabitant of this ugly place
we have all made god ashamed...
i promise i will take this people as a model on how not to behave and make god proud of me...
i promise i will spread love around...
and atleast make people understand what happiness really means..that it is not just about getting expensive branded goods...
there is more happiness in a pauper's hut than in a merchant's palace...
i will always show true love to people who have made me feel loved in life...
and i will always be happy...
for happiness is contagious and atleast it will take away people's mind on all their scheme plotting activities...
atleast for a while...
why can't everyone be happy?
won't the world be so beautiful..
the nature and nice people everywhere?
hirfana told me its impossible for everyone to live happily...
but i will prove her that people who encounter true love in their life can always live with others in the world...
that they can live happily..
as if there is this magical shield that covers them from the ugly and unhappy world..
and those inside that shield will only experience happiness...
i mean life is full of ups and down..
im not saying that there will only be happiness everywhere...
the kind of happiness im talking about is those that spreads the love of peace everywhere...
just try spreading peace and everything will seem beautiful...
atleast for once...
bobo.

and so i sit there waiting to spread joy and beauty everywhere the eyes can see.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey..
just came back from jodie's blog...
its hilarious.....hahhaha ;)
it made a difference in my post...
i mean initially i wanted to complain about everything in my post but now...change of moods...
hahah
bavithra is optimistc! ;)
ohk..em ;)
hahha
dunoe what to blog about...
oh i remember...;)
to refractor: you bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how could you be so mean to your teacher? She never did anything bad to you...maybe you should stop being such a hypocrite and reflect upon yourself...
its not like you are someone perfect...tell your mum that only people who have problems themselves go around complaining about others..you dunoe how much i felt like bashing you up today...im watching you...
ohk back ;)
ohk..em and then had sex talk...
i dunoe why everyone was all hooga about it...it was boring...!
i mean..yah it was boring!
ohk..so anyways...em ;)
hahah
;)
ohk...i should stop doing that...as in the ;)
hahh
heat of the moment- adapted from sex talk...
hahha
it was hilarious...
and then was oral comms...
for the first time ever CmPS was fun...
i mean...it was hilarious how we had auditions for each other...funny...
oh btw...
another threesome- adapted form hazel when we were walking to the toilet in threes..haha
the 3Bs that are common in TKGS- Betrayal, Backstabbing and break-up- adapted from kavya...
the last B sounds like its more for lesbians...
im being random right now...
oh and another B in TKGS: Bavithra- adapted from me like 3 seconds ago..
ohk..that wasnt funny...
and then i dunoe where recess went today..
i just went and sat in fromt of the computer in the library..and then the bell just rang..
and then i realise i didnt have my food..
nvm...a man who starves is better than someone who is bloated..
i doubt there is such a saying..
did SAIL ppt in half an hour..
love me people!
i missed conversation with Mrs G. because of SAIL ppt..
i like her...hahah
she is nice...
and then history was just history..
boring..she is naturally long winded...mrs chua i meant..
hahha
i got A2 for history...
im impressed with myself..
hhahah...got B4 the last time..
my parents better appreciate it..
anyways things are getting better between us...
hahha
you better don't refuse to fetch me from TJC on friday night...
and then class photo taking..
was fun...
hahah
hope it turns out well...
kavya you are not forgiven for putting your face with mine without warning me..
nevermind...
music was cool...stacy and i performed...
hahah...it was good..
stacy's guitaring was great...
but i screwed it up because i was nervous...
to those who think we have been practising forever..
it was decided on the spot in class today morning...
its called talented...
haha
ohk enough..
and then yah...
that is all for today...
em..DEP tomorrow after school..
cant wait..
why do i get the feeling we are getting back our papers?
i dun want it..
im a consistant B4 performer in drama..
wadeva can?
its too difficult...
rachel dont be sad...the sun will come out..
what is meant for you is always there for you...all you have to do is just ask for it...
:D
science test tomorrow...
ahhh!!!!!!!!!
have to pass up music files by thursday...
stress!!!!!
no jk..hahah
not funny..
a sex graph: a graph that shows the different levels of emotions during pre and post sexual intercourse- adapted from sex talk...
need to change classes with 3/8 2mrw...
balls to everybody
btw this is our self composed lyrics for music project next week:
when i wake up in the morning,
I feel so happy cos im coming to school.
And now that im smarter i've figured out,
how small Singapore is and yet how great it is
and i know i'll find deep inside me I can be the one..
I will never fail my tests..
I'll always get good grades..
I;ll be there for my friends even if saving them sends me to heaven..
Im a...
Im a..
a...
Student of Singapore...
This is my homeland
Please don't throw that away.
Cos i will...always..
make my country proud..
make my country proud...
hahah
yup..
if you are smart enough you would have guessed what song it is...
bye..
bobo

and finally the little bud bloomed
after surviving the hazards of nature.

Too depressed...

hey..
i dont like home nowadays...
i feel very emotionally disturbed by my parents very often nowadays...
teenagers move away from family members...
that is what they all say...
balls to them...
if you accuse them for things they never do or assume that they will do its seriously not their fault..
neither is it their's for hating to be home where all that happens is just blamings and accusings...
if im like a corpse roaming around, let it be...
because i find it easier to be strong that way rather than to fight and argue against you everytime....
I was never like this last year...
as in emoing and all...
because i knew i didnt have the rights to...
i never proved myself academically or anything..
i never did anything to make you proud of me...
and so i had absolutely no rights to fight back when you said things like why cant you be like other children who understand their parents and strive to make them proud...
firstly you should never compare your child with other's children...
but i wasnt bothered by all that...
i was very happy and that was all that mattered to me then...
a very carefree life with nothing to worry about...marks, education, character...nothing!
but then life was good....i would be angry that you scold me...
but always forget about it soon...because again...i did nothing to prove that whatever you think or said about me is false...
but this year...
i just changed...
everything..
the perspective in which i looked at life....
no guys...no bad behaviour...
only my education...
and i did see the reult...
a very good one..
and i know you saw the difference too...because you yourself told me countless times how happy and proud you are of me for my change...and also that that was the best give any child could ever give a parent...
i felt accomplished...
but i never complained when all these straight As targets were set for me...
i never complained when you didnt send me for music classes or piano classes ...
even when you knew that was something i always wanted to do since young...
when i asked you last year you told me to prove myself academically first...
but i didnt cry or throw tantrums when you kept on dismissing the subject when i asked you about it after proving myself...
instead i watched and admired those who played the piano or sang profesionally...
silently wishing within myself that i would be able to be like them when i grow up...
full of hope that i would be able to experience it atleast a day before i die..
i grew up thinking for you more than myself..
if you woul like it or not...
i forgot about myslf...
like a corpse who had no feelings...
instead i aimed higher for my education...
took on an extra subject...
gave tuition to a girl...
i never broke down under the stress...
and when i felt like doing so i just kept telling myself not to give up as this was what that made you proud and that i should go to whatever extend to give you this present...
if you are going to say this is for your own good...nope..
im happy with a clerical job...
but all these aims...its for you...
i gave up the idea of taking physics the one thing that i wished to pursue and do till the end of my life because you wanted me to do medicine...
and guess what?
i just gave it up...silently longing that one day you will just say bavithra, im happy with whatever you do as long as you remain as my daughter. i will always support you....
but you didnt...
im sure it made you very proud to go around teling people what an achiever your daughter is..how she always respects you...
but what makes me depressed...is that after all these that i did for you...
you still complained...assumed...
things that were not even there...
hurt me...
caused me to experience so much of hatred that i didnt even feel like talking to you anymore...
now...im not angry when you blame me...
i feel hurt...i feel helpless...what more can i do to prove you that you are wrong?
you will never know how i felt when you said that to me yesterday...
i shivered when i heard your words...at the thought of how inhumane you could be to your own daughter...
but i couldnt say anything..didnt too..
for i knew i would cry if i opened my mouth to say anything...
and so i dindt...until this very moment...
im going to be strong...
i wont let this affect me as long as im free of guilt...
i could stare at you straight in your eyes when you said all that to me because i didnt fear looking at you....
and i never will..
im going to live for myselft...
i will study for my benefit...
not for yours...
so that when you accuse me of anything next time i wont feel sad..
but what has been done can never be undone...
be it good or bad...
my sacrifices for you can never be undone and so can your words that had hurt me...
i never asked you for anything...
but now i ask you...
silently within myself...
just how much more do you want me to take?
after all these...
whatever you have done to me is the worst a parent can ever do to a child...
bobo...
i had forgotten who i was.
just lost myslf.
instead i thought for you.
but after all these, you could hurt me that easily.
pour down words at me.
all i can ever ask now is that,
will everything be alright?
will you finally see me for who i am on the inside?
you were the best present i have ever received and
i would be a nobody if you were not there.
for i just know that i love you.
very much.
which explains the pain when i heard your accuses.
but love can never be changed.
all i can do now i sit down and hope that
my dreams as a daughter will come true.
like a wish from a fairy...

Cartwheels...

hey...
im ecstatic today..
because i mastered cartwheels and forward rolls...
finally!
i have to email my group members about the edited pe routine...
im really pissed that sandhya didnt turn up...
she had time to loiter around the school but never come...
balls lah!
art was interesting...
i felt like a designer participating in project runaway...
im sure we pleased ms della with our designs..
im impressed with our designs...
and then legacy was fun..
ours was the first group to complete the horse rider quiz...
it was damn fun can!!!???
then interviewed shirley yeo...
it was quite useful but very long winded...
quite expected of a school counsellor...
anyways i didnt see alex tang today...
hahaha...couldnt bet on his shirt colour...lol!
today was bad mood day...
lets go in chronological order...
in the morning i missed the bus in a matter of seconds...
and then after that received drama results...
i got a bloody b4!!!!!
y? I mean was it that terrible???
nobody has any idea how dejected im feeling...
i mean...she expected more from me...said i could have easily got an A...
but i didnt...because im a loser...
you dont noe how insulting and terrible i felt...
i care about nothing more than my marks...
i really felt like crying..but didnt..wanted to be strong
but one day..im just gonna lose my grip on things...
and just breakdown..
and the bavithra you knew will just disappear infront of your own eyes...
and it might never return..
and later kavya kept pissing me off during gym rehersals...
felt like slashing myself...
so that i will never have to face all these stress anymore...
anyways...
i gotta bathe...
bye..
sad and depressed bobo.
i know a place where happiness and beauty is everywhere.
very far from this ugly world where i wanna go away from.
but the clutches are too strong that i cant fly free to where my heart desires to be.
and if i tried anymore harder i would just shatter and be gone.

tuesday........

hey...
i dont like tuesdays...
they are boring..
aniwes...we didnt do our gym routine today because stacy was absent...
gotta do it next week...
aniwes...sighs lah..
nothing interesting today...
i dunoe why the hell im blogging...
got nothing to blog about...
nope maybe got one...
the extra growth on my hand dropped off...
finally...i mean there is still a scar..
but its better than having that thing sticking up 1cm above the skin level...
yup i felt like a snake shedding skin...
nisha was trying conduct some bio class with that thing...
it was gross...
the cool thing is that no blood was involved....
hahaah..
aniwes drama resumes from next monday...cant wait...
aniwes there are two new instructors...
saw one of the them today...
a very impressive lady..
its lyk she knows all her drama theory by heart...
maybe the school thinks drama club needs more drilling when it comes to syf..
so they got extra instructors for us...
why do i get the feeling that drama club is going to bcome something like band or softball...
with super strict instructors...
sighs...
going for tjc's drama night next friday...cant wait...
it should be fun...
and mjc's drama night next sunday...hahhaha
it is going to be a dramatic weekend...
lol
aniwes...cant wait for drama elect tomorrow..
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
maybe we will be geting back our practical marks...
ohk...gtg..
save the earth..
bobo.
why was life upside down when you where not there?
for i sit there with myself full of hope that you will turn up the next day.

STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!!
stress can????
im so freaking stressed out...
wif all the projects and stuff...
i mean u cnt help it if ur group member(s) r being screwed up...
u still get screwed even though u du ur part well...
i mean the world is very inter-dependant...
u cnt help it if others r being bitches..
the most you can do is to play ur part well...
u always get paid for it...at least in the end...
sighs...
in the end everything will be happy...
if it isnt then its not the end...sounds familiar?
lol!
To Hirfana: dude..you're supposed to send me you SAIL Task lyk 6hrs ago...where isit?
pick up when i call you...i wont eat you up or someth...
ohk..aniwes...PE project...
which school gives us assignment for PE?
and that too in project format???!!!!
well my school does
pissed off..
nope just frustrated..gotta send kavya the sequence so that she can do the report
at least she is helping....
better than me doing everyth by myself..
to kavya: MAybe you should show the same interest in ur CmPS too..u noe you can reduce the friction between your group mates and you...
To those in the same group as me for PE: dudes...pls check your email...
i have sent you all the sequences...
pls try to rmb it...u noe lyk noe it by heart..i noe we din have ani rehersals..im just grateful that this isnt included in overall marks or someth...pls corporate...thanks...
aniwes...nisha have you got ur new phone?
aniwes...i gotta go give tuition for the sec1 girl...
3hrs..omg can?
i was supposed to go out with famly in that time...
wadeva...
sch tomorrow...
not a very welcoming thot...
staying at home is nice...
lucky there isnt ani homework...
gotta hunt for shirley yeo in sch tomorrow...
sighs....
ohk..
bye..
frustrated bobo...
my friends say i go all hooga wen i get stressed...
i gotta ask miss ngo abt electrolysis..i dun understand!
oh btw, i rmb wad i wanted to blog yest now...
i thot we were supposed to clean the recycling bin...
n then my frens said its the rubbish bin..not the recycling bin...
n saturday night i dreamt as if everyone was cleaning the recycleables n i din...
n mrs capel was scolding me..lyk bavithra, what is this?
i din expect this from you...you are the worst environmentalist...n stuff...
omg i woke up sweating can!!!???
its all cuz i din go for the one environmentalists meeting...
if we r raly supposed to clear the recycling bin im so screwed...
in a dilemma..
i hate myself.

Isolated island

hey...
my life is boring...
nth interesting has happened aft exams..
i mean academically but socially....
sighs...
tons...ppl just cant seem to live in harmony with the world...
to american: wadeva lah...u break her heart we break your face can!!!!????
ohk aniwes...
i mean i do like slack lifestyle but u noe there is no challenge or thrills...
i love the period b4 exams...
life has a meaning..
again academically..
socially u always have a part to play in at least a person's life...
even if u r olivious to it or not...
or just chose to be oblivious...
aniwes...lets have some academic talks...
nearly three project works due next week....lol
nope not funny...
aniwes...yah kavya!
aiyoh can write a novel abt tat one...
but in short: dude r u trying to copy my 'bobo' name or someth????!!!!
aniwes...baby cuz was admitted in hospital..4 2days...
he was discharged today...
but omg..
i felt freaky during the period he was in the hospital...
another person who i love alot i guess....
i cnt wait to visit him next week!!!
aniwes...nth else...
em actually yes...but no..nvm..
lets not publicise my personal life...
my frens noe n tatz enuff...
aniwes...
i feel very irrelevant to the world...in this moment
look this is wat happens if i dun have enough things happening in my life...
yah..so i feel very not in the picture...
guess its better this way..
to american again: u are soooo in the picture. again if you break her heart we break your face...
hahahah...
just felt lyk saying that...
i mean she has done nth serious to me...
i mean yes she did but i oso did smeth 2 her...
so its equal...but yah..
just angry wif her...
for being double headed...
to american again: i believed you...trusted you...
stood up for you..
nvm lets not talk abt the past..
i wont stick up for you animore...
i mean i will if you prove to be worth of it...
i do have ego but i appreciate and respect ppl wif good morals...
i will go a long way for those kinda ppl...who make ppl respect tehm just the way they are
not like acting differently...from who you are...
ohk...nvm i feel relevant to the world bck again...
hahahha...
i wanted to say something...
but i forgot...
cant trace the thoughts..they are too complexed...
dun bother to aniwes
i'll come back to blog if i rmb...
gg to watch harpers island!
yay!
apparently nisha is gg to get a new phone tomorrow..
im happy for you nisha...
isit some iphione or someth?
ohk aniwes...
i love nisha n
i love stacy
din see obsessed wif me guy...
din have tuition this week..
not like im interested or anith...
my father lost the car key..
lucky there was a spare one at home...
wth lah..
ohk bye...
save the earth
bobo

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hello!!!!!!!!!!!
back...
after a long time...
heheheh
exams are over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
din du well for geog...
terrible...i got a b3..
i hope tat is my oni b3...tat im gg 2 get...
i feel very optimistic...
DRAMA ELECTIVE + ME = YAY!!!!!!!!!!
omg i cant wait for drama elect 2mrw....!!!!!!!!!!!
getting back our practical marks....hahahah
aniwes...i found out true colours of ppl...
like american...
wad a hypocrite...
lyk mother lyk daughter....wadeva...
balls to her...
after all this backstabbing u still can come and talk to me????
i dun care if u influence my other friends...
cuz they are jut as matured as u...
n they are nice ppl...
they wont be with u aft they noe wad kinda screwed up stuff u did...
which wont be long....
aniwes...very happy wif my fren circle...
seems perfect now...
stacy and nisha i love you...
kavya i will love you after you quit softball...
kidding lah...u r very nice...just some flaws..
nvm
aniwes i just chatted with varooman...
lol...i feel stalked with him around...
apparently he is in a gang...but he is very nice @ heart...
lol..im meeting him somewhere next week probably...we are going back to pri sch...lol
sarmila is coming too...most probably...
a chunk of extra info
i was detesting him in my dream...weird...
aniwes i was running away from mrs lee cuz i din hand in my music file...
i have to bring it 2mrw...
ohk...bye
gotta bathe!
bobo!!!!!!!!